Content creator and mum Elle Adams chats to The Edit about all things parenting, postnatal anxiety - and trusting your gut.
Leaving your career to focus on content creation and then motherhood is a big life shift. What has that transition been like?
I’ve actually been a full-time content creator for 10 years, but the transition from creator to stay at home working Mum, trying to work and create content, was one I truly could never have prepared for. It’s such a privilege to do this job and have the freedom to look after my baby, but it's incredibly full on. I love to create content and having little to no time to do this did contribute to me feeling like I’d lost myself a little. But I know it’s all a phase and when she’s at school I’ll have more time for me and my passions again.
What have you found most surprising or challenging about being at home full-time with a toddler?
How it’s possible to feel multiple contradicting emotions at once. Every day is full of SO much joy and happiness, but it is also exhausting and sometimes relentless, especially when I solo parent so often. From 5am to 7pm my only time to switch off is when she naps and sometimes that’s only for half an hour. But I wouldn’t change it for the world (although I wouldn’t mind an extra hour of sleep!).
Many mums experience some level of postnatal anxiety. Was this part of your journey?
Absolutely. I’m not sure I even recognised it as postnatal anxiety until more recently. Day to day I’m so used to doing all of the activities and routines that I didn’t feel consciously anxious. But mine really showed itself in relation to worrying for my daughter’s safety. Everything had to be checked twice (her seatbelt, her sleep sack, have I double locked our door at home and chained us in?) It is always based around this innate sense of having to protect her, and while I know so many people experience this, it can be quite consuming.
Were there particular triggers or moments that felt especially overwhelming?
My husband works away quite a lot and I think from very early on I felt a huge sense of responsibility just on me. So, when he’s away or when I have long periods of time by myself, I always feel a little overwhelmed in the lead up. Also, when my daughter decides that sleep isn’t fun anymore I always find it tough. Sleep has been the bane of our lives, so I always feel a little on edge when she’s struggling to sleep and waking up lots. And when I’m really sleep deprived, that doesn’t help the anxious thoughts.
What helps you navigate this, and do you feel supported?
I am so lucky to have so much support from my mum and dad, and my husband. But if I’m going for a day out, I’ll always make sure I’m as prepared as possible so there’s nothing new to worry about on the day. I like to stick to routines that work for us because it feels reassuring and comforting too
Is there anything you wish more people were open about when it comes to postnatal mental health?
When I had my NCT lessons, the amazing midwife told me that postpartum depression and anxiety affects one in four people and I couldn’t believe how high that was. Because I knew the statistic, I told everyone closest to me what the symptoms were and to keep an eye out for it. I think it’s so easy as a busy mum to just blame it on being “understandably anxious”, but actually it can be more than that. And there are things that can help. The more open we are, the more we can help each other.
You have the Swedish Plus Tested Silver Cross Perform car seat. When did you first hear about extended rear-facing car seats, and what made you decide it was right for your family?
When I first started to look at car seats, I looked into the best options and I knew before she was even born that I wanted her to rear face for as long as possible. She’s quite a tall girl too, so I did struggle to find an option that worked long term until we discovered the Silver Cross Perform.
Did you always plan to keep your child rear-facing for as long as possible, or did your views evolve over time?
Yes absolutely. Even when older generations told me it was unnecessary (there’s always one isn’t there?), I was absolutely adamant that it was a non-negotiable for me.
How are you finding the Perform car seat so far?
Oh, we absolutely adore it. It’s so comfortable for my daughter - she loves adjusting herself when I put her in and she says “all cosy” when she gets into position. I absolutely love that she’s as safe as can be, and it gives me much more confidence to do longer car journeys.
Do you see yourself as an advocate for rear-facing, or is it simply a personal choice?
There are so many opinions and options in motherhood that I try not to be too preachy, but if anyone asks me for car seat recommendations, I do always mention our Perform seat and I do explain that I want her to rear face for as long as possible as there’s lots of research to prove that that’s safest.
Do you feel pressure from outside sources, like social media and parenting circles, when it comes to making the “right” choices?
Honestly, it’s one area where I try not to put pressure on myself. I always do extensive research, and I go with my gut and it’s never steered me wrong so far.
If you could give one piece of reassurance to other parents navigating these decisions, what would it be?
Always do your research and try to decide what’s best for you and your family based on your own personal needs. Talk to your partner or the people closest to you so that you don’t feel like you’re making the decisions alone. And always trust your gut. I do feel mums have a bit of a super power for knowing what’s best for their baby.
